She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
