i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
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