I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
