Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
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I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
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We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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