he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
