Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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