and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
