he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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