My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
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I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
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My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
my nose is crying tears of wow.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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