I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Come back. Shots need mouths.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
