I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
