i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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