i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
