this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
