make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
