He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
