i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
