i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
