i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
