Have you finally orgasmed yet?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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