Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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