Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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