You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
