Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
