Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
