I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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