The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
