I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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