Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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