she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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