dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
