I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
