Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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