He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
