when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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