i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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