Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
