I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
