you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
