my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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