Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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