He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
