Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize