I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
