that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
