can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i came on her dog
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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