Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
