so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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