the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
