if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
