It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
