sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
he fucked my hip out of place.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
