Define "chronic" masturbator.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
