Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
