did you get engaged???
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
