its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
