Already got asked if we're dating
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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