"it" just moved
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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