I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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