Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
