Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
if only i could text you this smell
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
